fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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