i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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