remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
