im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
