Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't deserve a penis
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
