so that wasnt chicken after all
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
