If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
