Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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