Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize