I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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