and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
