I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
