i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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