i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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