Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
