you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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