That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
