just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
