I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
