I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
