Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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