And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
