Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
