Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize