this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
