I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
