sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
