Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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