Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
