Only a mothe r could love this liver
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
