With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
