I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And then my night got REAL pukey
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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