Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
