community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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