i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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