I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
