Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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