the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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