Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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