I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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