I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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