last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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