I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
