it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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