did you get engaged???
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
