A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
