I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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