Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
