my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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