i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
