At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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