I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
