Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize