Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
