i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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