then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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