Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
