she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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