It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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