All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
