youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
