I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
