I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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