I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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