My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
