I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
