dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Randomize
