i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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