Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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