I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
