are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
