just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
