i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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