i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
