I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
