We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
its liver damage thursday
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
